all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
