I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
