she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
