Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
