4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
