the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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