I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
