I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
