You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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