My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I party with great urgency now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
