like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
where are you?
Hypothermia
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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