why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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