we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
