i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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