this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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