Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
