i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
