I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
