I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
