Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
