He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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