I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
