I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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