Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.