things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
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Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night