dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor