I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.