good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
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Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober