My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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