i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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