yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.