why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
