I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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