there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found puke in my bra..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
