just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
