at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
