as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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