Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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