you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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