Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize