my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
