I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
