my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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