Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
no you cant smoke seaweed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
