Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
