I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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