the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
