was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
