i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
