He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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