I will die if light touches me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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