ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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