I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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