its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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