I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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