pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
