he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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