Porn is love you can see.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
