just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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