nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
