Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
