Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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