We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
