fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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