can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
