Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
