Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
