:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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