Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
