Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
