We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
