mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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