I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
