I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
