Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
