The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
