no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
