The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
