I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize