I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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