there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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