Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why is your signature on my underwear?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
