I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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