That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage