Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and she was petting her beer can
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
