apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.