How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning