Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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