I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
